The past several days have been stressful. On Thursday, she had a seizure. On Friday, she began to get a little confused and disoriented at times. She had more confusion and a seizure Saturday. Sunday wasn't any better-she had a seizure during church. Monday was awful. She wasn't even the same child. Very confused. Very bizarre behavior. I spent a lot of time on the phone with the neuro nurse. It was finally decided to discontinue it and try something new. We are praying that the new medicine has no side effects but is effective at stopping the seizures. It will take a while for the new stuff to build up in her system so she is at risk for having seizures. Pray that she doesn't.
I have a confession: I had a major meltdown earlier today. I just couldn't hold it back any longer. I try to be strong & of good courage, full of faith, and all that but sometimes it is just too much. Afterwards I felt so much better. I had begged God to lift the weight from me and He did. God is faithful that way.
I have a little book with my favorite Bible verses in it. When I am upset I read through it and usually a verse jumps out at me and comforts me. Today was no different. There were actually two verses and I want to share them with you.
First-'Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy' 1 Peter 4:12-13
A trial like this is not easy to bear. It hurts. But it brings me closer to Jesus. It causes me to look forward to the day that I see His face. And it also reminds me of how much he suffered. When I cry out to Him (like I did this morning), He points me to the cross. He was tortured. For me. He bore the sins of the world. For me. He was separated for the first (and only) time from His beloved Father who couldn't even look at Him. For me. He died. For me. He knows pain too. More than I will ever know.
Second-'And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me' 2 Corinthians 12:9
This morning I felt like I wouldn't make it. I couldn't bear such a burden. I couldn't make it through the day. I was hurting so badly for my precious baby. And I got a text that said something like 'you are the strongest woman I know'. I thought, "If you only knew how weak I really was you wouldn't say that." But then this verse popped into my head. I may be weak-but He is strong. Any ounce of strength I have had throughout this whole journey with Abby has been because of Him. I realized I can't make it. I can't bear this burden. But He can! Hallelujah! I don't have to be strong-I just have to lean on Him, trust in Him, hold on to Him-and He will be strong for me. He will carry me. He will bear my burdens for me.
'Cast thy burden upon the Lord and He shall sustain thee: He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved' Psalm 55:22
'Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.' 1 Peter 5:7